


Saturn

by eclecticlion



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Klance Week 2016, M/M, This Was Supposed To Be A One Shot, i legit cried several times writing and editing this, its based on a song i heard and couldn't help but write for, its not a huge part of the fic and its loosely interpreted but hey blood is red isn't it, its the day one prompt: red/blue, klance isn't established but its there, my first work for this fandom and its about Pain and Death wow, rated for some language and theres blood and death so...? yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:56:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7683595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclecticlion/pseuds/eclecticlion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith followed his own rules his whole life and it'd always worked for him. In the path he made for himself, he always came out on top and always lived to fight another day. No one had ever followed him on his path so no one that mattered ever got hurt.<br/>Until Lance.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>"Everything had happened so fast, Keith was still grasping desperately at the broken pieces of reality to try and piece together where exactly he went wrong. Where did he fuck up so bad that led to him clutching at Lance with a gaping wound across his stomach that wouldn’t stop bleeding?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely inspired by the song Saturn by Sleeping At Last, like I heard the song and immediately started writing this. I suggest listening to it with this fic in mind (before, after, or during, whichever works for you)

Everything had happened so fast, Keith was still grasping desperately at the broken pieces of reality to try and piece together where exactly he went wrong. Where did he fuck up so bad that led to him clutching at Lance with a gaping wound across his stomach that wouldn’t _stop bleeding_?

A fleet of Galra Empire ships had ambushed the castle, he remembered that much. He and the other Paladins had piloted their lions into a counterattack. Then Lance and Keith had boarded the main deployment ship. Why had they boarded the ship when they should’ve stayed in their lions? That was a beyond tactless and reckless thing to do.

Oh, right.

It was Keith that had boarded first. Against Shiro’s orders, he’d boarded because despite Hunk and Pidge having taken down the ship’s particle shield, they were being blindsided by endless attacks left and right. They weren’t able to land any decent hits to the ship, much less get enough time to form Voltron, and in a fit of frustration Keith barreled through the onslaught and crashed right into the main hull, planning to take out their problem right at the source.

And then Lance had followed. He’d told Keith to stop going off on his own, that they needed to stick together. Keith didn’t listen, told him he didn't need help and that Lance should go back to the others. Lance didn't listen either, smiling that cocky grin of his and telling Keith that someone had to look after him and watch his back.

But they were in over their heads— _Keith_ was in over his head—because the soldiers aboard the ship were different. They weren’t like any of the previous android soldiers they’d fought. They were made to be stronger, faster, and more battle intelligent than Keith had anticipated.

Everything past that was a blur. The swarm of android soldiers, the desperation of being outnumbered, the anguished cry from Lance that ripped through the air, the boiling rage that surged through Keith as he felt his bayard slicing through metal again and again and again.

And then Keith was standing amidst a scattering of destroyed soldiers and there was Lance, lying on the floor to the side and splayed on his back. Keith had run over so fast he tripped over himself, desperately crawling to Lance’s side the last of the way.

Lance looked like shit. His usually warm brown skin was a bit paler than usual and bruises and scrapes were on his face where the protective glass covering was supposed to be but was instead shattered to nothing. His suit wasn’t in any better condition, looking battered beyond belief.

But what stood out the most was the sickeningly deep red color of blood and how there was too much of it.

“We need to—” Keith’s words caught in his throat as his hand hovered over the deep gash in Lance’s stomach, the soldier's weapon having cut cleanly through the suit as if it was nothing. A cold shiver went through him. “We need to stop the bleeding.”

He pressed his hands against the wound, cursing himself for shaking so much as he did. Lance winced and took in a sharp breath at the touch and Keith mumbled apologies as he continued to apply pressure before contacting the others.

“Guys, Lance is hurt. I need help getting him out of here.”

Shiro immediately answered, his voice level and strong, easily heard over the worried questions from the others. It was almost unnerving how calm he sounded though, like Keith hadn’t done something entirely stupid earlier or like Lance wasn’t currently bleeding out right in front of him.

“What’s his condition, Keith?”

“There’s—it’s a cut across his stomach.” It sounded harmless the way he worded it but his voice was thick with barely contained emotions. “I’m putting pressure but…” _there’s too much blood._

Shiro continued speaking when Keith trailed off, his voice still as calm as ever. “Just keep applying pressure, we’ll try and get to you as fast as we can.”

“…Right.”

“Lance, can you hear me? Can you speak?”

“Yeah, I hear you,” he breathed in response.

Sighs of relief could be heard faintly in the background.

“Just sit tight, okay? Don’t move too much.”

“Roger that, Shiro.”

“We’ll get to you, buddy, don’t worry,” Hunk said in a warm but strong tone.

“You can count on us,” Pidge added, the confident smile that must be on their face heard in their voice.

“I know.” Lance smiled and Keith’s worries were lifted a bit.

They all exchanged wishes of good luck before their communications cut off and Keith went back to focusing on applying pressure. He made sure to pay close attention to any noises around them in case any more soldiers appeared. Looking at the slew of metallic bodies around them though, he allowed himself to think they took out most of the ship’s stationed soldiers.

But no matter if they were in danger of being ambushed or not, any amount of time that wasn’t this very instant was too long waiting for the others. Keith soon lost track of time while he tried his best to stop the bleeding. For the time being, it was as if his body shut down to focus any and all energy on Lance’s wound, staring at the blood as if he could threaten it into stopping with a single glare.

It was only upon hearing Lance’s careful voice that he was pulled back to reality.

“Keith, I need to... ask you something.”

A chill ran through Keith as he glanced at Lance to see him staring at the ceiling. The somber tone in Lance’s voice was not making him entirely eager to hear what he had to say.

“No talking, Lance. Just take it easy.”

“No, I need to,” he said as he met Keith’s eyes. There was a burning determination behind those deep blue eyes; a determination that made Keith’s breath catch in his throat and had him nodding slowly after a moment, prompting Lance to continue.

Lance’s eyes became softer. “Do you... remember our promise?”

At his words, the memory of a time spent with Lance in the training room came to Keith’s mind. It felt so far away in that moment, almost like a dream. But it wasn’t a dream, it was a real memory and they were going to make a lot more of them: in the training room, at the dining table with everyone else, and then when they got back to Earth. Lance would be there to make plenty of more memories.

Keith took a shuddering breath, momentarily unable to speak through the lump in his throat. He swallowed, shoving it down, and nodded. “I remember.”

“Don't break it.”

Keith didn't like where this was going. “I... I won't, I’m not going to,” Keith assured him and then added quickly, “and you’re not going to either, okay?”

But Lance didn’t reassure him. He didn’t grant Keith the responses he wanted to hear.

He should be telling Keith he was crazy for trying to tell him what to do. He was supposed to be saying ‘of course, I’m not going to die, asshole, who do you think you’re talking to’. Anything but the next words that came out of his mouth that sounded too final, too much like some sort of will.

“Keep on seeing everything… no matter what.”

“Idiot,” Keith muttered, “we both will. You’re seeing it all with me.”

Lance let out a weak huff of laughter, as if Keith had just told him a lame joke. The sound was gravely quiet and laced with pain but Keith’s heart clung to it desperately nonetheless, reminded of times where that laughter was strong enough to have Lance rolling in glee.

“Sorry… looks like I’ll be the first… to find out what happens after—”

“ _Stop_ saying shit like that,” Keith scolded, hot anger suddenly boiling up in him. Lance wasn’t a quitter and like hell was he going to let him keep talking like one. “You’re going to live, the others will be here any second.”

“It’s okay, Keith… I’m okay with this…”

“That’s bullshit,” Keith spat, calling him out accusingly. Sheer force of will was the only thing stopping him from pressing too hard against the wound in his anger. “Of course you’re not—what about your family, huh? What happened to seeing the universe for them? You’re going back to them, aren’t you? To tell them everything.”

A sad smile blossomed on Lance’s face and Keith saw tears brimming at the corners of his eyes, causing something deep inside Keith to shatter to a million pieces. Lance’s next words were soft, spoken just above a whisper.

“Tell them for me.”

Keith couldn’t even shake his head in response, sudden and painfully raw emotions tearing his insides as his vision blurred. But he didn't let a single tear fall, he had to show strength now more than ever. He knew what Lance was asking him to do and he refused to agree. If he did, it meant that he’d accepted Lance wouldn’t be coming back to Earth with him.

“No, I can’t do that,” Keith managed to whisper back, forcing the words out.

This Lance he was talking to wasn’t like the Lance he knew. The Lance he knew fought back, he didn’t give up, he made insufferably dumb jokes, and he had a smile that could light up the murkiest corners of space.

This Lance lying beneath him looked broken, a look of sad acceptance in his fading eyes as he breathed a single word.

“Please.”

If Lance wasn’t going to fight back on his own, Keith would just have to make him.

“I’m not going to let you—” he cut himself off, not even letting himself say that word. “You’re going to make it. Tell me that, okay? Tell me you’re going to make it and see everything no matter what, just like we promised.”

“Keith.”

His voice was much softer now. His eyes were nowhere near as bright as they should be but still they held a certain light to them, shining like a moonlit ocean. Keith dipped his chin against his chest so he didn’t have to look at those eyes, feeling like he’d drown in them if he stared any longer.

“Please, just tell me you’ll be okay.”

“Keith...”

Keith’s grit his teeth, anger, frustration, and a grating sadness making his next words tight and harsh.

“Just _say it_ , Lance, tell me everything will be okay. Just _tell me_ that.”

It was quiet for a moment and then, like a soft breeze, Lance whispered, “It will be.”

Something was telling Keith to look at Lance, that if he didn’t he’d regret it. So he did and as he lifted his head he just caught the ghost of a smile falling from Lance’s lips, his eyes shut almost peacefully.

“Lance?”

He didn’t respond. The pounding pain in Keith’s temples and pressure behind his eyes became unbearable. But he fought past it. He had to be strong.

“Come on, wake up. Lance, _please_ ,” he urged quietly. But his voice betrayed him and cracked at the last moment, threatening to completely break the composure Keith had managed to cling to this whole time.

But still, Lance didn’t respond. His face was slack like he was only sleeping and Keith could almost convince himself that was what it was. Lance was just tired; a night in the healing chamber and a long rest was all he needed.

Keith patted Lance’s face gently, hoping and wishing to see him stir, to see his face scrunch slightly in annoyance at being disturbed. But no such thing happened as his head rolled to the side.

Frantically and in an act of desperation, Keith wrapped his arms under and around Lance’s shoulders. He hauled him upward, cradling him against his chest with a hand stained red tangled in soft brown hair.

“No, no, no, Lance, talk to me. Don’t go, _you can’t_ ,” his voice cracked again as hot tears finally streamed down his face.

He wanted Lance to open those blue eyes that held the stars within them and tell him he was joking, that he was actually fine. This was just a sick joke Lance thought would be funny. Keith wouldn’t so much as yell if it was, he wouldn’t even care, as long as he could see Lance smiling that dopey and wonderful smile of his again.

But no matter how much he willed it to happen, Lance remained limp in his arms. With a choking sob, he hugged Lance closer to his own body. If only the warmth of his body could seep into Lance’s and bring a flush of color and warmth back to his cheeks.

“Y-you—you _can’t_ go,” Keith sputtered through the sobs wrenching through his throat. “You _promised_.”

  

 -:-

 

“Hey, Keith, I have a ques— _whoa_!”

Keith nearly sunk his sword into Lance’s shoulder with that swing and he grit his teeth in annoyance. “Lance, no talking. Focus on your defense.”

Another swing and Lance was just able to parry it, whirling out of reach. He kept Keith in his sights as they circled each other.

“Come on, Keith, I’m helping you spar so the least you can do is listen.”

“Oh, is that right? With your combat skills, I’m pretty sure I’m the one helping you.”

Lance scoffed. “Well, I’ve gotten better enough to at least chat during sparring, I'd think.”

“There’s no chatting on the battle field.”

“Technically we're chatting right— _ah_!”

Keith sprung forward and Lance narrowly deflected him again although he lost his balance in the process. With a yelp Lance toppled onto his back, Keith keeping him there with the tip of his sword pointed dangerously close to Lance’s neck.

With a smile that bordered on smug he sighed, “See? Talking means distractions.”

Lance let out an indignant huff and put up his hands in surrender, dropping the sparring sword at his side. “Fine, yeah. You’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Keith said, his bayard shrinking from it’s sword form.

In the next moment, Keith let out a gasp of surprise as he felt his legs being kicked out from underneath him and the world flipped itself over. He fell back onto the floor but quickly sat up, glaring daggers at Lance.

“We were _done_ , Lance. What was that for?”

“Do you have to ask?” Lance laughed, sitting up cross-legged across from Keith. “Payback for not letting me talk. Also you’re fun to mess with.”

Keith grabbed his bayard lying by his side, the device having flown from his grasp. “You want to try pushing your luck some more?”

“Nah, I’m done.” He paused, throwing in a sly smirk, before adding, “for now at least.”

Keith rolled his eyes.

“Anyway,” Lance continued, “Are you going to let me ask my question?”

“If you’re fine with asking me now, why were you so eager to talk during the sparring session,” Keith muttered. Then he sighed, nodding absently. “Fine, ask away.”

“Okay, so you remember when that attack on the castle happened right? Sendak was here and it was a whole thing.”

“Obviously,” Keith deadpanned.

“Well, I wouldn’t have made it if Coran and Hunk hadn’t gotten that crystal in time, if at all, and I was lucky to be already close by to the pod when they did.”

“Yeah, alright… and?” Keith drawled, not seeing where he was going with this.

“I was wondering… what do you think happens when we die?”

Keith now saw where this was going and he couldn’t say he liked it. “Lance, let’s not—”

“Come on, just think about it! I’m just curious what you think.”

Keith sighed, deciding it didn’t hurt to humor him this one time. Besides, Lance was the type to hound him until he heard an answer. But he wasn’t sure if he could give a satisfactory answer considering he’d never really gave it much thought.

Dying was just something he tried to avoid for as long as he could in his eyes. Thinking anywhere past that was foreign territory to him though he knew most didn't like to humor the thought themselves.

“Well… I guess we just… stop being?”

“That’s a really lame answer.”

“Well, what do _you_ think happens then?” Keith growled.

Lance hummed for a second before he shrugged with a shake of his head. “I don’t know.”

Keith groaned and stood up to walk over to his water bottle he’d set nearby the wall. Lance scrambled up, protesting Keith’s sudden leaving.

“You bring all of this up just to say ‘I don’t know’? And you say _my_ answer was lame,” Keith explained after Lance asked what his deal was. He took a long swig of water while Lance threw up his arms in indignation.

“Well, it’s the truth! Want me to just make something up and lie?”

“No, but if you’re going to bring up such a profound topic at least have something intelligent to finish off with.”

Keith then sat down on the floor, leaning his back comfortably against the wall with his arms propped up on his bent knees. He reached for the towel he’d brought and wiped down his face and neck, hearing Lance settle down beside him as he did so.

“Okay,” Lance began as he stretched his long legs out on the floor in front of him, “so it’s true I don’t have an answer for what happens but… I think maybe that’s also an answer in a way?”

“Because that makes sense,” Keith said giving a short laugh.

“Let me finish,” Lance said exasperatedly, throwing a warning glare at Keith that he promptly ignored. “What I _meant_ is that not having an answer just makes ‘living life for the moment’ all the more important. Like, sure I don’t know about what happens after but I sure as hell know what’s happening right now. Right now, I’m floating out in a giant spaceship that’s also a castle, piloting a giant blue robot cat to fight against an entire alien empire.” He shrugged all that information off as someone who’d come to terms with the wild prospect of it all. “So my answer is no answer. Just living in the now.”

Keith finished off the last of his water, setting the empty bottle to the side as he considered Lance’s words. They really didn’t make any sense, the conclusion Lance had come to not really connecting to the original question in Keith’s opinion. But, that was just like Lance: making up things as he went.

But if Keith thought about it, this _living in the now_ business made it kind of sound like Lance had given up on getting back to Earth in a way. Living in the now sure didn’t sound like it involved making plans for the future. The thought made Keith’s insides churn uncomfortably. A Lance that gave up on getting home to that family he talked so highly of wasn’t a Lance he knew.

“What happened to going back to your family on Earth?”

Lance let out a bark of laughter. “Do you even listen? I said I’m living in the now, not that I don’t want to go home. You really think I’d give up on something like that?”

Relief washed over Keith, relaxing the muscles he hadn’t known were tense until they weren’t anymore. But then his cheeks reddened in embarrassment for making such an assumption.

Keith turned his head a bit in an effort to shield his face, “Well, if you didn’t beat around the bush it would’ve been a bit more clear.”

Lance made a strange noise in his throat that ended in him clearing it shortly.

“I’m just saying,” Lance said a bit hurriedly, seeming eager to fill the space between them with words, “we’re out here fighting for the greater good of the universe—we were _chosen_ to fight. So while I’m here flying across the universe I might as well make the most of it. And when I _do_ see my family again I’m going to tell them all about everything I’ve seen.”

Lance finished his words strongly, the notion of his family always able to spark that Lance-like quality back in him. Even though it more often than not made him homesick, it also made him stronger: it gave him a goal to work towards, something he strove to work towards that was beyond 'saving the universe'.

“I see,” Keith responded quietly.

Keith couldn’t help but wonder vaguely what it would be like to be in Lance’s position, to be doing all the hero work for something more than just because of a sense of duty and to have someone waiting for him back on Earth. He knew he wasn't and probably wouldn't ever be attached to Earth as much as Lance was but he couldn't deny that it'd be nice if he could go back to Earth to some sort of homecoming.

But before he could sink any further into those thoughts Lance was talking again, his voice quiet and a bit hesitant. “You know… I’m sure my family would love to hear what you’ve seen, too.”

Keith turned to give him a bemused look. “Why would they? I’ve seen all the same stuff you’ve seen, they wouldn’t be hearing anything new.”

Lance picked at something on the front of his shirt, averting his eyes from Keith’s. “Well, yeah, that’s true… but we’re different people. We have different perspectives.”

“But essentially we’ve seen the same things so—”

Lance banged his head back against the wall suddenly. “Holy fu—” his head came back from the wall and he locked eyes with Keith, eyes narrowed in concentration. “I’m asking if you want to meet my family.”

Keith’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. “Oh.”

He tried to imagine meeting Lance’s huge family, something he never knew the feeling of having growing up. He wasn’t sure how well he would handle such a large amount of new people at once or if he even wanted to. But then he imagined all of the embarrassing childhood stories all his relatives must have of Lance. Maybe they even had pictures.

With a smile Keith shrugged, settling his head back against the wall. “Sure, why not?”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lance’s face break out into a grin. “Really? Okay, then it’s settled! I’m going to bring you home to meet my family!”

As soon as those last words came out of Lance’s, Keith could almost feel Lance stiffen with a jolt. He glanced over curiously and with a reddened face, though Keith couldn’t tell why, Lance sputtered out, “W-wait, I didn’t mean it like that!”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Lance froze again, eyes a bit widened, and then laughed awkwardly. He cleared his throat and lifted the collar of his shirt to wipe down his face a bit. “Never mind, it’s nothing." He dropped his collar suddenly, the fabric now a bit stretched. "Oh! Hey, I have a couple of those uh, energy drink thingies, let me grab them.”

So he ran off towards his jacket he’d left by the entrance to the training room, rummaging through the pockets before coming back with two packages in hand. The two settled into silence as they drank, Lance finishing first and slinking down comfortably against the wall with a soft sigh. It was quiet again until Lance broke the silence, his flustered state from before replaced by a thoughtful one.

“Hey, Keith.”

“Yeah?”

Lance didn’t say anything immediately and out of the corner of his eye he could see him opening and shutting his mouth several times, no words coming out. Before Keith could tell him to spit it out already, Lance was already speaking with a certain resolve to his voice.

“You want to keep seeing everything, too, right?”

Keith considered the meaning of the question, sipping from his pouch as he stared at nothing in particular. “You’re… asking if I want to keep living?”

“If you want to completely rip the poeticness from it, sure, I guess. But you do, right?”

“Well, yeah, obviously.”

“Then let’s promise.”

“What?” Keith turned to look at Lance incredulously, only to find he had raised his hand to hold out his pinky finger towards Keith.

“Let’s promise,” Lance repeated. “We’re both going to keep seeing everything no matter what happens.”

“This is beyond childish—”

“Just promise, dude. You’re ruining the moment.”

With a sigh, Keith set down his partly finished pouch and curled his own pinky around Lance’s. Keith noted vaguely how warm and soft just his one finger could be, even for such a lanky and bony hand. It felt nice.

“It’s a promise,” Lance stated, his eyes lifting from their entwined fingers to meet Keith’s gaze.

A certain kind of shiver ran up Keith’s spine, the look in Lance’s eyes more intense than he was used to seeing. It was like he was staring straight into Keith, trying to see everything that made up who he was. It was a bit unnerving but it wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling.

“Okay. It’s a promise.”

He’d never thought about it much before but he guessed he didn’t mind ‘seeing everything’ in the way Lance described it. And as he continued to mull it over as Lance’s face lit up with a goofy and lopsided smile at him, their fingers still entwined, he thought he also wouldn’t mind if Lance was by his side to see it all with him the whole way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a while to work through because I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach the aftermath of Lance's passing but I think i got something I'm satisfied with.

Time was at a standstill. No, it seemed like time didn't even exist and being out in the endless void of space it wasn't such a crazy thought. But whether time went forward or stopped completely didn't matter. If it couldn't go backwards the fact still stood that Lance lay lifeless in Keith's arms.

He had long since given up on trying to rouse Lance from what could be mistaken for just heavy sleeping and simply just stared down at him with eyes hazy and unfocused. He could feel the drying blood on his lips from when they had met with Lance's to try and breath life back into him. A pounding headache was making Keith feel nauseous, the foul stench of blood all around him not helping to quell his churning stomach.

He didn't realize someone had approached him until a hand was on his shoulder.

With a sharp shuddering gasp, he instinctively unsheathed his bayard and twisted his body to slice with one hand at whoever dared to get close to him, to get close to Lance.

A bright purple light flashed in his eyes and his bayard was parried easily and was sent clattering across the floor. Without hesitation and one arm still clutched around Lance, he maneuvered from his kneeling position to knock the attacker off balance with a sweep of his leg.

But again he was easily countered, the attacker nimbly avoiding his leg and launching forward to clutch Keith at his shoulders.

He couldn't let them take Lance, they'd have to kill Keith before he let them even lay a finger on him.

As his mind went into a frenzy on deciding his next move, a voice cut through the dense fog of his mind.

"Keith! It's me, Shiro!"

Another sharp gasp escaped Keith's throat, threatening to throw him into a coughing fit. His breathing was fast and unsteady but his eyes finally focused to see that the alleged attacker was in fact Shiro. His gaze was unyielding as he stared at Keith with something he could only compare to anxious determination.

"Keith, breathe with me." Keith's body was on autopilot as he did as he was told, familiar with Shiro's guiding and gentle words. "That's it. Breathe."

Keith concentrated on his breathing and matched it with Shiro’s, his viselike grip on Lance softening slowly. And then his eyelids felt unbearably heavy and his body ached, the injuries his body sustained from the fight catching up to him. He could hardly muster the energy to listen to Shiro’s voice and he just barely heard the distant sounds of footsteps and familiar voices calling out before it seemed as if space itself closed in on him.

 

-:-

 

A cold rush of air swirled about Keith, tingling his senses as he slowly became aware of himself. His whole body felt immeasurably stiff with a frigid cold but just as soon as he registered this, his muscles were relaxing and warming slowly.

His eyelids felt like they weighed a ton but he managed to open them slightly, feeling dazed and wanting to know where he was. Shiny hard metal was everywhere, lights glowed softly along curved corners and edges of the metal.

It came as a slow revelation to him that he was in the castle ship and only a half beat later he realized he’d been in one of the healing pods.

“Keith, how do you feel?”

Keith looked lazily around for the source of the voice, eyes landing on Shiro standing just off to the side of his pod. His face was a bit blurry and Keith blinked, trying to rid himself of the fog dulling his senses. He wasn’t alone as Keith took notice of the rest of the team standing at various points around the room, blobs of recognizable shapes and colors.

“Keith?”

He nodded distractedly, eyes still searching the room for that familiar blue of battle armor or the green of a hand-me-down jacket.

But then hands were on his shoulders and Shiro was standing directly in front of him, blocking his view from the rest of the room.

“Keith, we need to know you’re okay.”

“Yeah…” he stepped forward away from the healing pod, legs a bit wobbly but Shiro right there to guide him. “I’m just… a bit dizzy.”

“Okay, let’s get some food in you, okay?”

“Oh… okay.”

Keith glanced briefly behind him, trying to look for the healing pod that Lance must be in. But he couldn’t get a proper look before the door slid shut, cutting him off from where Lance was healing.

 

-:-

 

Keith ate.

He ate the strange alien goo wishing he were well enough to be able to hold down Hunk’s cooking. Lance had seen the healing pods the most out of everyone—Keith often wondered if it was bravery or stupidity—so he knew already that he’d put on a show of complaining over wanting to eat Hunk’s ‘real’ space food instead of the green goo. Hunk would then assure him with a smile that he’d make him some once he didn’t immediately throw it up. And then Lance would eat the goo, satisfied with the promise.

So Keith did the same, planning to remark to Lance that he saved plenty enough for him to eat. Lance knew that Keith hated the goo just as much as he did; he’d appreciate the sarcastic humor.

But for now he ate in silence, everyone else quiet as well. It wasn’t like them but Keith didn’t mind, as soon as Lance was up and eating it’d be plenty loud enough then. Keith thought jokingly that he should enjoy the silence while he had it.

When he was nearly done eating and Lance still wasn’t out yet, he grew curious but pushed the thought away. He was probably just a bit worse for wear compared to Keith. Besides, Keith was too tired to question anyone about it, his earlier lethargy from when he’d first left the pod catching up to him quickly.

Someone caught him when he started to sway to the side, spoon slipping from his grasp, and then began helping him stand with a hand at his elbow and one beneath his arm. They were small hands, delicate in size but deceptively strong as he was easily hoisted upwards.

Another pair of hands appeared at his other side, gripping along his upper arm and providing a larger and steadier support than whoever was at his other side.

He supposed he went in and out of consciousness because suddenly he was walking through a sliding door, realizing a second that he was in his room. A soft voice was telling him something but as soon as his brain processed the words they drifted away from him.

He sat on his still unmade bed and lay down, feeling the sheets settle over him just as the thought to grab them passed his mind. Sleep came quickly.

 

-:-

 

It’d been three days since Keith woke up and Lance still hadn’t healed yet. He never spent more than a day in a pod whenever he needed to be healed, only once spending nearly two days in one after a nasty battle with a large fleet.

Allura would always assure everyone that the healing was going as planned and would let everyone know when he was close to waking up. No matter what everyone was doing, she’d call over the systems when someone was expected soon so that everyone could gather and welcome them back. She was always on top of keeping everyone informed on that.

Soon enough, he’d hear Allura announce that Lance was fully healed and ready to wake up.

He just had to wait.

 

-:-

 

Keith had just finished level three against the gladiator, beating the previous record he set for himself the other day, so he figured he deserved a break. Deactivating his bayard he walked over towards the main entrance of the training deck, wiping the sweat on his brow with the back of his hand. He could use a good shower.

As he made his way through the halls, he began to hear the murmur of voices just around the corner. Something in the way of the tone told Keith this wasn’t exactly a conversation he wanted to walk in on.

But he couldn’t stop his body from moving as he approached the very edge of the corner, the voices now crystal clear.

“—over a week, Shiro.”

“This is something that takes time, Pidge, it’s not something you rush.”

“And we just have _all_ the time in the world, don’t we?” Keith winced at the harsh sarcasm heavy in their tone. “And this isn’t just about him either. This involves everyone. You’re always saying we’re a team right?”

“We are but—”

They cut him off with a sharp tongue.

“Hunk can’t even properly grieve because its—its like its this _secret_ ,” they spat out the word like it was something foul in their mouth, “and I’m sick of it. Something needs to change soon before everyone falls apart.”

It was quiet for a moment before Shiro spoke up again, voice quiet and resolute.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Keith backed away, deciding to take a different route to his room.

 

-:-

 

Dinner was surprisingly calm. After he’d stumbled across Shiro and Pidge in the halls, he expected to walk into the dining hall to… something. But everyone had just been eating and talking amongst themselves as usual.

The conversation he’d heard had been flitting about the back of his mind during his shower. But each time he tried to recall the words that had been said they slipped from his hands like the water running across his skin.

But he did remember one thing about it, the memory popping up when his eyes glossed over Hunk as he passed him to take a seat. Hunk had been mentioned; Pidge had said he needed to grieve.

What did that mean? Had he learned of a death from one of the planets they’d saved? Hunk was always one to care the most about the people they liberated, it made sense that finding out about a death amongst his newfound friends would strike a heavy blow.

Keith glanced over at Hunk just down the table from him. He was talking with Pidge, probably something about alien tech that Keith could never quite follow. But Pidge was the one carrying the bulk of the conversation, Hunk giving uncharacteristically short responses or simply small nods of acknowledgment.

And there were no smiles. There hadn’t been any smiles for a while now though and Keith suspected there wouldn’t be until Lance woke up. He was always good at getting a smile out of everyone, the best at getting one out of Hunk.

He wished that Lance would just wake up already so he could dissolve the cloud of tension.

 

-:-

 

Keith decided to call it quits against level four of the gladiator when the strain in his muscles became less of a reminder to keep pushing and more of a distraction. Just as well though, he was in need of a shower.

He was clipping his bayard to his belt when he heard the doors to the training deck swish open and he glanced over. Shiro stood in the doorway, hovering in the entrance and not making a move to actually step in. He was looking at Keith with an oddly calm sort of expression.

“Shiro?”

He nodded once, a small movement, in greeting. “You’re done with training?”

Keith had a feeling it wasn’t a question. He hesitated a moment before nodding.

“Let’s take a walk.”

This time it really wasn’t a question and Keith felt a foreboding weight settle on his shoulders. But he nodded again nonetheless and followed Shiro out of the training deck.

For a while neither of them spoke. Keith sensed that Shiro didn’t really have a destination in mind and so he simply trailed silently next to him, waiting for something to happen.

Finally, Shiro spoke after a good few minutes of silence.

“How are you feeling?”

It was an odd question. Just the way Shiro had even asked it, carefully like there was something hidden within the seemingly simple question.

Keith swallowed to try and wet the dryness of his throat before he nodded and gave his quiet response of, “Good.”

Shiro nodded almost absently, letting a bout of silence fall between them before he asked, “Have you spoken with anyone about Lance?”

Something painful flared up in Keith suddenly but he pushed it down quicker that he convinced himself it hadn’t happened.

“What’s to talk about?” He said, his voice sounding hollow even to him. “He’s taking a bit longer to heal this time is all, he’ll be out soon enough.”

Shiro didn’t respond to that and after the silence became a bit too heavy Keith chanced a look up at him. His face still held that careful composure from just earlier but there was something darker there, something that suddenly aged him years past what he truly was.

“You need to see something.”

After that, there were no more questions.

Keith tuned out his surroundings, keeping aware enough to keep Shiro’s presence in his sights as he stared at his boots. There weren’t any thoughts going through his mind, just the image of his boots as he took each step on the metallic flooring filling his mind’s eye.

And then Shiro was slowing down and Keith looked up, his mind suddenly buzzing with thoughts and questions on what it was Shiro wanted to show him now that they had stopped. He knew it wasn’t good, he could tell it wasn’t something heavy and something inside was telling him to leave, to go because he didn’t want to see what Shiro had in store for him.

But he didn’t listen to that part of him because this was Shiro, his leader and role model, the man he looked up to and aspired to be like. This was important to Shiro and he’d see it through no matter how much his insides quaked.

He led Keith into a room through sliding double doors. He wasn’t sure what room it was, he'd certainly never been in it, but it had circular capped ports lining the walls that reminded Keith of the same sort of ports that rose to reveal the healing pods in the other room.

Keith looked around the room with a mix of caution and curiosity, glancing over at Shiro when he realized he was making way towards a control panel at the center of the room. Keith watched as he pressed a sequence of controls that had a pod just several paces down from Keith hiss with steam, the circular pod sliding out from the wall in a similar fashion to a storage table you’d find in a morgue.

Instinctively Keith took a step back, not wanting to go into the room any further. He wanted to tell Shiro he wanted to leave but he couldn’t speak, he wanted to turn around and walk out but his legs refused to listen to him anymore.

“Keith.”

He vaguely registered shaking his head; the pain in squeezing his eyes shut so tight the only thing he was willing to focus on. But Shiro kept on talking, his voice still holding that gentle yet authoritative tone.

“You need to see, Keith.”

He didn’t want to look. He knew, he knew what he’d see and he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to _remember_ —

But then memories upon memories were already flooding back to Keith. Crashing waves of images where Lance lay unmoving, bleeding out, smiling softly up at Keith, eyes shining with tears, hands fallen limply on the blood stained floor.

No, they weren't memories. That was just a bad dream.

_‘Keith, I need to... ask you something.’_

Lance was fine. He was okay.

_‘Do you... remember our promise?’_

He didn’t want to remember.

_‘Don't break it.’_

He—no, he didn’t—

_‘Tell them for me.’_

Something shattered inside of Keith, a painful feeling that had him taking gasping breaths and curling in on himself. He collapsed to the floor, not caring for the sting in his knees when he did so.

There were hands on him now, just like before, hands that were there to ground him but he didn’t want them now. He tried his best to push them away, to throw everything thundering about inside of him into the action, he wanted to make something hurt, something that wasn’t him, something that wasn’t Lance, bleeding out but smiling and still alive but just barely—

Keith found himself in a hug, his mind coming back to reality, back from whatever place in his mind that held red, too much red. He coughed harshly before a sob managed to rip its way up to his throat and into the air around him, more sobs following it as soon as the first escaped.

He couldn’t fight it anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, surrounded by steady arms and a hushed voice talking to him, the words too soft and his mind too tired to make sense of it, but he knew he was crying. Gut wrenching sobs that emptied him of everything inside of him, fresh sobs coming up whenever his mind shoved images of Lance laughing with Hunk, talking with Shiro, teasing Pidge, looking at Keith in that way that had Keith’s insides twisting in a way that had still managed to be pleasant. A look that now had Keith’s insides twisting in the worst way possible.

Eventually, Keith became too tired to do much of anything anymore, falling limp in Shiro’s arms. He knew Lance was dead. Deep down hidden under his own lies and wishful thinking, he'd always known. He'd been running from it for so long, _just_ able to convince himself, that finally acknowledging it carried no grand epiphany of relief. There was no weight falling off his shoulders. There was just exhaustion. Exhaustion and the hollow pain he'd been trying to avoid knowing that Lance lay lifeless not even a handful of paces away from him, cold and still in the pod looking all too peaceful for someone who had his life ripped from him too early. And it all hurt so much, it hurt in a way that Keith had hoped he’d never feel again.

“—be okay, Keith. We’ll all help each other, we’re all here for each other. We’ll get through this together…”

Keith realized Shiro had been talking that whole time, the distant mumbling he'd been disregarding suddenly becoming coherent speech. He felt like he should say something, offer his own reassurance that they would because even in his own sorry state he could hear how raw Shiro's voice sounded. But he couldn’t think of anything worthwhile so he just lay there and let Shiro’s words of comfort try and soothe his mind.

He was so tired. It felt like not even the longest sleep could sate him. When Shiro tore away Keith's thin veil of reality he created for himself, it was like a piece of himself had been torn away too, a piece that he could only hope time could help mend. He needed to be a better version of the pathetic excuse he’d forged himself to be.

Keith needed to move forward, keep on seeing everything.

He’d made a promise.

 

-:-

 

-:-

 

-:-

 

The Blue Lion had eventually chosen another successor to it’s name; a native to a now distant and liberated planet. In Keith’s eyes, the only thing that she and Lance had in common was the fact that Blue chose them as pilots.

But deep down Keith knew they had a lot more in common than just that. That was the very nature of the Lions after all, choosing pilots that shared its qualities and personality. Fundamentally, she was more similar to Lance than anyone Keith had ever met.

But they were still vastly different.

She didn’t have that cocky attitude that blazed a fire in Keith. She didn’t put on a smile for everyone even when it hurt deep down, always fighting to be a stronger version of who they were yesterday. She didn’t throw out obnoxious jokes that were so bad you couldn’t help but smile.

She didn’t have those blue eyes that shone like an ocean reflecting a night sky. She didn’t have bronze skin that was like gold in the setting sunlight of foreign planets or the brown hair that looked soft to the touch and never went without at least one cowlick. She didn’t have a laugh that was loud and bold like fireworks that still managed to warm Keith’s insides like it was a gentle summer breeze.

She wasn’t Lance and she never would be.

But Keith tried his best to look past the imposter he saw in her and instead tried to see her as the pilot that Blue had deemed worthy enough to be its Paladin. Tried his best to welcome and work with her like the rest of his team was. Because that was the heart of it: they were teammates and fellow Paladins who had the same mission.

He knew he had to work with her to save the universe and keep what was left of his family safe. He knew he had to cast aside his feelings of hatred for something that had nothing to do with her. He had to cooperate and function as part of the team.

But that didn’t make it any easier. Not when she put on the repaired blue flight suit, no sign at all of the bloodshed it once saw. Not when she slipped on the similarly mended blue helmet. And certainly not when he and Red emerged from the hangar and he spotted Blue soaring out from its own, flying in such a manner that he _knew_ it wasn’t Lance sitting at the controls anymore.

It wasn’t easy and he didn’t expect it to be. But he’d made a promise. And he could only keep it if he kept moving forward to a future without the war, without the Galra, and with a return to Earth where Lance’s family waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, i still have like One More Idea for this sad af AU and it would touch more on the other paladins more and my ideas on how they're handling it because what you see in this extra chap is like Just The Tip of the iceberg. so yeah.
> 
> Basically it would be little snippets similar to how this chap was written but not always Keith POV, so you can get a feel for how everyone else was handling the tension during Keith's denial phase, how they handled the mourning once Keith officially accepted Lance's death, how KEITH settled into the mourning cuz the denial isn't the worst stage he goes through, and just basically touching on the perspectives of the others at different times. Bittersweetness is what it'd mostly be and It'd end with Voltron finally winning the war and before they all take to cleaning up Zarkon's fuckin mess they go to Earth and Keith +the gang visits Lance's family and Keith keeps up on his promise to Lance. (if enough people are interested ill consider this but i don't want to make promises on a quick delivery of the chapter lol)
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed, please excuse this long ass A/N and if you read it all i love you (if u come across any glaring mistakes pls tell me, I've stared at this for so long and I'm tired)

**Author's Note:**

> again, I'm sorry. This hurt me to write it, I promise you. But I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway lol and even tho I'm a day late for the first prompt, Happy Klance Week 2016! this fic took the life out of me!
> 
> also I've stared at and edited this fic a million times over and with no beta i may have missed some grammar stuff or what have you. feel free to point out any you come across!
> 
> (sidenote: I'm thinking of writing an extra chapter/maybe accompanying piece where I'd give Keith some closure cuz it hurts me to not only kill one son but leave my other son all hurt and broken inside. tell me what you think/if you'd like to read that!)


End file.
